Domestic Dynamics Analyst T-Shirts

'I tried to get him to reinvent himself, but he said he couldn't get a patent.'

'Harold doesn't have an ego problem. It doesn't bother him that he's inferior to me in every way.'

Bloody Little Hitler

"Sorry about those. My husband always cuts his nails in bed."

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

Common Core Family Therapy

'Hold on, Baby, Hold on!'

"I appreciate that you brought me to 'Take our daughters to work day' all those years ago, dad, but I still have to let you go!"

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"I'm not ready to put you on my favorites contact list, but I will add you to a group text."

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

'Okay, okay - is there anyone OTHER that the bride's mother who objects to this marriage?'

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

'Dayton, you're a decent, respectable, ethical, honest and nice guy. What the hell are you up to?'

'I blame my parents, they never set me any standards worth rebelling against.'

(Phil Hanson and the Philettes)

"Just because your mother devoured your siblings and not you didn't mean she valued you any less. She was just full."

"He's feeling neglected. Should we text him?"

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

'One businessman's lunch and one lackey's lunch.'

'Dear, would it be all right if I was assertive for a minute?'

'They sort of grow on you.'

"Let's talk about your overprotective mother."

'I'll tell you what mister - I'll lose ten pounds and stop nagging, the same day you act your age, cleanup after yourself, cook your own food and get a brain in that fat head.'

"Typical, you knew my mother was coming today, so you had to have a big meal to be torpid for a few days!"

"Don't fight us, Timmy. We have numerical superiority."

'I'm normally a leg man, but in your case.'

"Meet your new baby brother! We decided to upgrade."

"She's one of those bad mothers who say they're bad mothers but think they're good mothers."

"Oh no, not dinner again!"

"Our little girl is growing up - this very morning she told me she hates me."

"I'm getting to know the staff better. You're my son, aren't you?"

Sex Equality