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Sex Equality

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

'Hold on, Baby, Hold on!'

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

Hunter-gatherer. Planter-gardener. Scratcher-napper. Barker-wagger. Complainer-nagger.

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

'Just wait till it's my turn to make long-term care decisions for you!'

"You'll do anything to get out of taking out the garbage."

"I know it is a digital production, but this cheque is a digit short."

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

"I can't get the blasted tin opener to work."

'Dear, would it be all right if I was assertive for a minute?'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

"Lift your stems."

Bartlett's Expanded Quotations

'Every time we have an argument you've gotta drag the boss into it!'

Exhausted mother holds up 'Off Duty' sign.

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. II

"Go ask your mother."

'I tried to get him to reinvent himself, but he said he couldn't get a patent.'

'Ask your other father.'

These colours haven't just run. They've sprinted!

"Holiday time around our house is a nightmare."

No matter how many times I put them back in their own beds, they end up in mine.

"That's against the rules...."

Bloody Little Hitler

Just one moment dear.

'You click on it and it sends you to 'Ask Your Father do com'.'