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Man asserting his authority from under the bed

"Howard's like his old lawnmower when it comes to spring cleaning - he's hard to start, not too sharp, and backfires a lot."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

Compression

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

"O.K., if you put it that way."

"I may be incompetent. But, if you fire me there'll be no one who knows less about this company than you."

'Hold on, Baby, Hold on!'

'We're playing trampoline, mom.'

'As chairman, that's my opinion. I propose we table any motion to further discuss this matter. All those in favor say 'aye'. All those opposed say 'bye'.'

Desk sign: 'Brown-nose'.

'I've never had to butter up the boss. I've always been the boss.'

'I have power - but it's not the kind that's easy to abuse.'

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

"There's no need to go round the table - I know who I am."

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

The Modern Damocles -

'I need you to be more MORE DECISIVE when agreeing with me.'

Hunter-gatherer. Planter-gardener. Scratcher-napper. Barker-wagger. Complainer-nagger.

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

Little man in big man's pocket.

'Was there any further criticism om my proposal?'

"A few of the staff are still a little unsure of their roles in the company...so here's a quick recap."

"I don't do intimidation"

"Not cool washing sheep in the dishwasher people!"

'Now, our master is always polite and leaves the seat up for us, not like our Mistress...'