Domestic Duelist Pillows

'Half-time, full-time - It's gone into penalties, woman!'

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"Ain't isn't a word, and you know it."

Project Manager Showdown

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

'He has his pet and I have mine.'

"Great - really great - but I'd still like to get out of the house every once in a while."

Wild West Text Showdown

Through the Looking Glass - Alice Rows the Sheep.

"They've decided to resolve the department's conflicting educational philosophies."

'Right now he's painting himself in a corner.'

Romance over the Irons

'The Position's yours, Henderson - But first you must defeat our champion.'

'Almost done.'

Fitted Sheet:1/Human:0

'...My tree! - No my tree!!'

Chefs about to duel with custard pies

Cambridge Dons disagree about the meaning of life.

Political correctness - the early years

'You want a piece of me?'

"Step 10 paces, turn and post your opinion on facebook."

"You did have the last word, but this is a new argument!"

"Hockey players no longer fight. They feel saying mean things about each other on social media hurts more."

'I don't believe I've ever seen a scientific paper defended quite as vigorously as this one!'

I know you're keen to practise the new salsa routine, but I'm getting a bit jealous of the vacuum.

'You have a comfortable home, three beautiful children, a husband who is devoted to you - what could you possibly want with nuclear capability?'

"You killed it, you clean it."

'I'll cook it, if you'll do the washing up afterwards.'

'You've got your ears shut again, haven't you?'