Debate Duelist Pillows

'I don't believe I've ever seen a scientific paper defended quite as vigorously as this one!'

"The militant hard-liners are making demands, the fanatical zealots are issuing threats, and the moderate centrists are offering suggestions."

"You did have the last word, but this is a new argument!"

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

Political correctness - the early years

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"You're fired."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

'The meek shall inherit the debt. The rich shall inherit the loopholes.'

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

Oligarchy

Annual run-off at the mouth.

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

Scarcity

What's normal?

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

"We've discovered they mate for life, as long as they don't discuss politics."

The economy.

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

Ahem. I'm eating. Not now, please. Just one tiny question. Believers I American exceptionalism have always said we're the paragon of democracy. So I'm just wondering … How come one party is passing unnecessary laws that'll keep millions of us from voting? They're robbing us of our voice! Could've surprised me.

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."

Dialogue

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

Our Two Parties, Explained