Domestic Disputes Enthusiast Gifts

"Hold it right there."

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

'This chair ain't big enough for the both of us.'

Always Compatible

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"We should never have committed binary fission!"

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

Mistress Talking to Maid

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

'Well, if you insist on using logic I see little point in continuing this argument.'

'I didn't even know she was angry until she started shooting.'

'I'll tell you what mister - I'll lose ten pounds and stop nagging, the same day you act your age, cleanup after yourself, cook your own food and get a brain in that fat head.'

"Did you say something? I thought I heard a sound bite."

"Mother, take your time, I know this isn’t easy for you. But this is an important moment in our lives, so I will ask you one more time, what on earth did you do with my old comic books?!"

"An 'Irish divorce' doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a 'Mexican divorce'."

'Shall I fry it or flush it?'

"Have we got time for a quick argument before our programme starts..?"

'You're in my light!'

Secret Family Recipe for Disaster.

'...and don't you dare turn the volume up at me!'

"That's not a...'Sorry honey I burned the dinner' look. That's a...'I meant to burn the dinner and you're gonna eat it because you forgot our anniversary' look."

The Brook-Green Volunteer Pt. 8

'Something is bothering you Roger. A wife can tell.'

"You have a truly magnificent scowl!"

"Did you finally come to an agreement with your wife? Or am I opening old wounds?"

'What are you saying?'

"You are so stubborn!"

Man umpires a fight with his wife.

"We also argue about which way the toilet paper roll should hang."

'What do you mean, that'll be ?82 including V.A.T.? This is your house! '

'We'll be putting you in the 'crabby neighbor', demographic.'