Domestic Change Gifts

"We broke our promise to not talk politics around the house, so we sold the house."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Hungry child

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

"Man's best friends."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

Ironing day.

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

"I don't do windows."

"My dang neck is killin' me again." "That's because you left your dang hanger in your coat. Again."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

Always Compatible

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

“Can I have her now? Hey! My turn.”

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Don't you want to hear about the day I had?"

'Actually, she's turned out to be a very clever pet. Watch when Rex stands up, she'll feed him a biscuit.'

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"Do I have to go out again!?"

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

"Harold! Don't forget to get the eggs!"