Domestic Bliss Observer Gifts

"Just empty it."

"Think about the honey."

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

"You don't understand, Mom. Our staying in and watching TV is not the same as you and Dad staying home and watching TV in Dayton, Ohio."

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"Can I call you back? We're having our favorite argument."

'In Grandma's time, men were hunters, while women were cleaners and shoppers. Now daddy and mommy are both hunters, but on wekends, mommy still cleans and shops, while daddy is a golfer.'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

Did you clean the loose snakes out of the shower drain? Medusa's husband.

"Honey, could you pass me the cow."

"Is there something wrong with the TV focus?"

"Has your mother called yet on the international situation?"

'I'm his best friend, until his wife walks in.'

"It's your turn to throw out the dishes."

The black cat sat on the mat...absorbing all the heat of the fire.

'No madam, the seat does not keep falling down, to the annoyance of male users, would you like one that does?'

"I said, I had the cat declawed."

'I hope I'm not intruding...'

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

"The Hewletts have flaming crown roast au vin blanc every Wednesday."

"I'm sorry I used three squirts of washing up liquid instead of two."

We never go out anymore.

Parrot Demands

"I guess my wild days are behind me."

'If your mom's not happy then nobody's happy, right dad.'

"Snowflake, quit eyeballing me!"

"In local news, 'Hapless Husband Trapped in Loveless Marriage.'"

"So is that enough 'putting out' for you?"

The Freelance Life.

"What are you complaining about? When I met you, you were living in a one-room apartment."

'George, there you are!'

"It doesn't get any more low-maintenance than this!"

"You think you're angry? I'll show you angry!"

"But I'm accustomed to captivity. I wouldn't survive a day in the wild."

"The boondocks R us, I guess."