Domestic Bliss Observer Gifts

"Just empty it."

"Think about the honey."

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

"You don't understand, Mom. Our staying in and watching TV is not the same as you and Dad staying home and watching TV in Dayton, Ohio."

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"Can I call you back? We're having our favorite argument."

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'In Grandma's time, men were hunters, while women were cleaners and shoppers. Now daddy and mommy are both hunters, but on wekends, mommy still cleans and shops, while daddy is a golfer.'

"Has your mother called yet on the international situation?"

'I'm his best friend, until his wife walks in.'

The black cat sat on the mat...absorbing all the heat of the fire.

"Honey, could you pass me the cow."

"Is there something wrong with the TV focus?"

"It's your turn to throw out the dishes."

'No madam, the seat does not keep falling down, to the annoyance of male users, would you like one that does?'

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

'I hope I'm not intruding...'

"The Hewletts have flaming crown roast au vin blanc every Wednesday."

"I said, I had the cat declawed."

"I'm sorry I used three squirts of washing up liquid instead of two."

"Snowflake, quit eyeballing me!"

Parrot Demands

"In local news, 'Hapless Husband Trapped in Loveless Marriage.'"

"I guess my wild days are behind me."

"So is that enough 'putting out' for you?"

'If your mom's not happy then nobody's happy, right dad.'

The Freelance Life.

"It doesn't get any more low-maintenance than this!"

"What are you complaining about? When I met you, you were living in a one-room apartment."

"I noticed you've packed the gallery with your relatives."

"But I'm accustomed to captivity. I wouldn't survive a day in the wild."

'That's me in the fishing boat after 12 hours. The only thing snapping was me.'

"The boondocks R us, I guess."