Domestic Bliss Appreciator Pillows

"I'm staying in my nightie until 1997."

The black cat sat on the mat...absorbing all the heat of the fire.

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

"Think about the honey."

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

"You don't understand, Mom. Our staying in and watching TV is not the same as you and Dad staying home and watching TV in Dayton, Ohio."

"The groceries are in the car."

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"Honey, could you pass me the cow."

"Is there something wrong with the TV focus?"

"It's your turn to throw out the dishes."

'No madam, the seat does not keep falling down, to the annoyance of male users, would you like one that does?'

A man opens his curtains to wake up his cats.

"I said, I had the cat declawed."

"He's the domesticated kind of werewolf."

"The Hewletts have flaming crown roast au vin blanc every Wednesday."

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

"I'm sorry I used three squirts of washing up liquid instead of two."

"Just empty it."

'Because it's the only thing that still whistles at me. That's why I keep it.'

'He's still got his looks - good job I've got used to them.'

'If your mom's not happy then nobody's happy, right dad.'

"I guess my wild days are behind me."

A Misdelivered Letter

'How about we get this closet organizer as a together gift?'

"What's the matter, forgot where you parked your butt?"

"It doesn't get any more low-maintenance than this!"

"But I'm accustomed to captivity. I wouldn't survive a day in the wild."

"What are you complaining about? When I met you, you were living in a one-room apartment."

The Brook-Green Volunteer Pt. 8

"That's fine. I've learned to enjoy TV with no sound when we're at odds."

'He makes his own gin too.'

'Why do you never change these things out when they're empty? They're not an infinite scroll.'

'And that is how you put the toilet seat down. There will be a quiz on Friday'.

'You may kiss the bride, but no tongue.'