Domestic Bliss Pillows

'Two socks in, two socks out. Let the good times roll.'

"And do you promise never to fight over the thermostat setting?"

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

Balancing work and family

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Ironing day.

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"I had to skip my workout."

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

Washing Line Walker

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

Whittler's Mother.

The household cavalry

Gary Basks in the glow of a fifteen-minute window with no empty cardboard boxes in the house.

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

Housewife: Out of Order.