Dogtastic Philosopher Gifts

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

Cat Reunion

"Yes, one is a dog."

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

PET THEORIES

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

'Hard to follow...'

'Don't look at me!'

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

"Dogs are men."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

Flea Philosophy.

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'All cats have 4 legs and fur. I have 4 legs and fur...It's too hard to think anymore.'

"How do I get down?"

'You should try giving yourself a bath.'