Dog Skeptic Gifts

Cat holding balloons with 'no dogs' signs.

'There's probably no dog.'

"When I said you could write a paper for extra credit, I was open to almost anything...and then you handed in 'Fifty Millon Cajillion Ways I Hate Dogs'."

Cat lover responding to dog like a cat.

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

"Well, if I didn't send away for an entry application to the cat show, and you didn't send away for an entry application, who did?"

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

'The dog doesn't like fishing so I'm taking the cat.'

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

The question is, where does want to go for a walk end and need to go for a walk begin? Existentialist dogs.

"The human is back - act normal."

"No, no, that's my copy of 'Being and Time'—look at the teeth marks along 'Heidegger'."

"Take off your mailman's uniform before you return home. We have a new dog."

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

"Why so sad, Pal?"

"This ham bone did not have much meat on it by the time I met it, but it tasted of meat, and for that I am eternally grateful."

Today's Sermon: Is There Really A Dog?

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

'Just so you know, I've no intention of sharing a home with either children or cats.'

"Penny, what is that scent you have on? I must know." "Don't you just love it, Lucy? It's dead rat."

'I like it.'

"The question should be, do PEOPLE go to heaven?"

Oh, jeez, I should remember this guy! How do I sniff him without him knowing I'm sniffing him?

"I disagree. I think we're ninety percent breeding and ten percent grooming."