Dog's Vet Appointment Gifts

Dog to dog: 'I didn't even know I was broken, but my nice owner is taking me tomorrow to get fixed.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

Canine Scentipede

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

"...and yet it doesn't quite capture his thoughtful, contemplative side."

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'We had him trained to stay off the furniture, right up until we gave up.'

"Who's got excellent kidney function, according to this most recent round of tests? You do! Yes, you do!"

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

Dog in hospital pushes bone-shaped IV,

Lost my squeaky toy. Please help.

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

"We're just going for a routine checkup ... they only do that operation once."

"He's like having our own personal trainer. . ."

Jumping Dogs

"Janet, please. I'm calling the vet's office to check their lost and found. That's the last place I saw my nuts."

Dog Igloo.

'Click it or ticket.'

'No need to shout.'

"I now propose a 5 minute break so we can confide with our dogs."

Vet to angry-looking dog: 'You ate some crabgrass, eh? Were you self-medicating again?'

"Give him one of these 3 times a day and tummy rubs as needed."

"What's worse, that or this?"

"Anxiety? No, nothing that I've noticed out of the ordinary."

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

The definitive turning point in The Great Terrier-Squirrel War was the now-famous Trojan Acorn Maneuver.