Dog-owning Uncle Pillows

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

Caveman's dog with head outside car window.

How Nature Senses a Change in the Weather

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"It doesn't do anything all day but eat and sleep and get waited on by a staff of bipeds. I think we've found the leader."

'Technically, he's on a leash, so I say we let this one go.'

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Dog traps the postman.

'Sorry Ben, I never noticed the baby-sitting clause in the stud contract.'

Four bites a second is about as fast as anyone can chew.

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

"Hang on - I'm not as young as I used to be. . .!"

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

'Say... I just had no idea the red haired freckled dutchmen were so good with kids!'

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

Nancy Drew Mysteries - The Later Years

'I remember, Fido, winning isn't the only thing...there are also stud fees.'

You need a new reading light

"I'm feeling like there's a 'good boy' on this side of the room."

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

"Yes, we're supposed to sing, but not Rap!"

Why cat yoga classes don't work

Clown baby.

'Who called me a quack?' (boy has duck on his knee in vet's surgery).

'The MCC celebrate a famous victory' group of dodgy looking old English men holding drinking glasses

"The dog wants out again!"

Farmer and the Loove Dog!

"'Golden' years, my a**...."

'I'd say that was just the thing to wear on a visit to an 80-year old uncle in Texas who's going to leave you five million dollars.'

I'm beginning to regret the hearing aids.

"I have to bring him with me otherwise he wouldn't let me indoors."