Dog Owner With A Twist Pillows

Beware of dog (bomb vest)

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

Gym Dog

"He ate homework as a puppy but quickly moved onto business journals."

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Roget's Pet

'Now that hunting season is over, I'd suggest separate vacations.'

'Grrrr....'

"What these product ideas lack is a little bite."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

Teacher's pet dog

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

"You say you're flossing, but I'm scraping off a lot of tennis ball fuzz."

Al's Teachers' Pets.

"Pampered?"

'Beware of SUV.'

"He's a bad dog, but a good CEO."

"Me? I'm taking the dog for a silly walk."

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

"We've known each other for years Bob, and this grooming style suited you when you were young, but it's time to let it go!"

"This company isn't big enough for two anthropomorphic dogs."

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'