Dog Owner Dynamics Explorer T-Shirts

"Someone here has gobbled down all the food rations..."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Ahhh...'

Now, let's not be hasty! They may look the same, but we are both duty bound to fetch our own master's ball...

"Well, I'll miss him, but all his friends are backpacking Europe to herd sheep this summer, too."

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

Dog phrenology

"Next time, dear, ask me first before you invite a friend over for dinner."

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"If you really loved me you wouldn't have called me Euthanasia!"

"He may be neutered and declawed, but he's still dangerous."

"I like to think that each generation will need a little less therapy than the generation before."

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

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"All Vangundy is or ever shall be he owes to his mother."

Some domestic cats will roam further than others.

'Mom! Hunter keeps saying I'm not a thoroughbred. Can you show him my papers?'

"Well, if it wasn't you who meowed, and it certainly wasn't me who meowed...then...who...meowed?"

"It's half past November, young man! Get back in your room and hibernate!"

How were the academic departments on the campuses you visited? Dad!!! Stop stressing me!! College hunting is hard enough without you prying into every detail of my life! Arrghh!! How were the drama departments?

"Some people think the CEO has the most power, but I select everyone's chairs."

"You'll do anything to get out of taking out the garbage."

"Seven hundred wives? I'll bet he had a lot of inlaw problems?"

'Dear, would it be all right if I was assertive for a minute?'

"Are you too old to remember all the advice you tried to give me when I was too young to care?"

'I suppose a loan to send them to summer camp could be called a home improvement loan.'

"Lift your stems."

Egyptian Mummy Wrap

"The apes accepted you, but my sister's a whole other story."

'She lets the aupair drive the 4x4 to prep school.'

'If I was a bird - do you know who I'd poop on first?'