Dog Etiquette Instructor Pillows

"… She's simply asking that you no longer refer to her as 'the dog.'"

"Okay, that's enough Physics for one day. Take a break and chase your tails."

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

'You're hired as far as I'm concerned Edwin! And look at these guys?...They seem to really like you!...You're a natural!'

"Rats."

"Is your dog friendly?!"

"Is your dog friendly or socially maladjusted?"

Guide Dogs

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

'I signed him up in obedience school, but all he did was play hooky.'

Dog Park. Ernie, let me help you navigate the dog park safely. Thanks. Never ask the dalmatian if you can play "Connect the Dots." Don't discuss international politics with the Siberian Husky, or make jokes around the Greyhound. The Saint Bernard does not find it funny if you ask for his blessing. And most importantly, unless you schedule is clear for a week ... yeah? Don't say "yes" when the Lab asks you to play with that ball with him!

"What happened to what cat?"

"Sit!"

"It isn't quite how I pictured it, either."

Preschools for Dogs

"I understand everything he says, but I've found that maintaining a blank expression results in less work."

A cat leading a dog leading a man

"It's not the dry food I hate, it's that crunching sound you make when you eat it!"

Discipline at Doggy School

'His bark is worse than his bite.'

'Thank goodness it's Friday!'

"The barking ... it has to stop."

"My dog chewed up my steering wheel. Then he started gnawing on my floor mats and now he bit off my seat belt. What do you recommend?"

"And remember, the phone goes to the left of the entree fork."

'I told him to get down.'

Butler and Page Boy

"Instead of chasing them like a madman, just ask the squirrels if they’d like to play with you."

Rockwell School

"Of course I'm supposed to be on it. It's Barkolounger."

Shifting the blame 101.

'Damn. He is FINE! And me without butt-mints!

"Spot isn't home. I'll leave him my calling card to let him know that we came by to see him."

"No matter what, always take a small courtesy whiff."