Dog Enthusiast With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

I'm in a hurry. Got any "Sorry I crapped on your carpet" cards?

Dog Dressed to Eat

"Shake! Good Dog."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Pin the blame on the donkey.

"And I suppose you expect me to pick that up?"

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

Dog wearing jumper to hide his spots.

"Wow, what a DILF."

'In the alternate universe I've come up with, everything would be exactly the same except cats would bark.'

'Don't worry, my baser instincts are in a surgical waste bin in Hoboken.'

'Mint?! These taste like cardboard!'

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"He ran out of pee."

"You say you're flossing, but I'm scraping off a lot of tennis ball fuzz."

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

A skinny dog with clown make up

'I want you to 'take him for a walk.''

"Bad dog!"

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'

'Okay...now watch what happens when I extend my claws.'

'The pats on the head are nice, but I need more compensation...'

Pet shop with recipes stand outside.

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

The firehouse has a cat instead of a dalmation.

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

'It's her signature dish.'

'I was not expecting this, were you?'

"So the old man says 'you're getting fixed,' and I'm thinkin', you know, maybe he's gonna patch up the hole in my doghouse..."

Woman Walking a Trojan Horse

"I have to tell you you were not my first choice for this job."

"I'm getting a little itchy to redo the bedroom!"