Dog Discipline Humor Pillows

'It's disgusting! He just sits and licks his balls all day.'

"It get it – you're hungry."

"You keep impeccable time."

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

Dog wearing a cone

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"[Old Steak Bone Tavern]"

'No need to shout.'

"You're God-knows-where all day long, then at night you pounce on my head... this is not a relationship."

'Hey, I just mopped the yard.'

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

I was allowed to chew this. But not that

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

'That's the problem with Dacshunds, you can never tell whether they're coming or going.'

"I like the new scratching post so much better."

"I wonder if the dumb obedience school gives a warranty..."

"No, I said 'sit'."

'No, no that's not what I mean by trim the motor!'

"It's OK! Stop splashing!"

"I don't see myself as just a dog. I see myself as a Complete Family Pet System."

'Well, it wasn't me.'

'Play dead.'

"Quick, act casual."

"I'm not supposed to eat things I find on the ground...but I think this might be ok."

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

'This is the last time I'm walking the dog! Our neighbor told me if spot poops on his lawn again, he's going to rub MY nose in it!'

"Worms."

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'