Dog Bite Humor Gifts

'I know I said, 'my dog doesn't bite'...he's not my dog!'

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Shake! Good Dog."

'I'd like to return this, please.'

Dog wearing a cone

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

"Now turn your head and bark."

"Pssst. Fake poop."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

Balloon dog training

-'Okay Rebel, find the drugs.' -'Are you kidding? There's dirty underwear here!'

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

Dog Training.

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"Sometimes Bob wags when he's happy—but these days, it usually means he just tooted."

Cuthbert was a pit of a party animal

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'

"Look, Mommy. Puppy already knows a trick! What should we call him?" "How about 'Scooter.'"

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

I was allowed to chew this. But not that

'Forget about marriage conselling: Me, I sent Max to Obedience School instead...'

"Get a life."

'That's the problem with Dacshunds, you can never tell whether they're coming or going.'

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"You hit the ball- that's ping. Your opponent hits the ball- that's pong!"

'I'm afraid you're just going to have to accept that dogs just don't like you.'

"He wasn't quite dark enough to name 'midnight' so I named him ten o'clock."

The bad news is, Fluffy ate the squeaker out of her toy. The good news is, it's going to sound hilarious coming out.

Employees Must Lick Themselves Before Returning to Work.

"You say: It's nothing more than jealousy inspired backstabbing. I say: It's the fourth report of butt-sniffing I've had this week."