Dog And Cat Banter Pillows

That's right: Not only are we 'Man's best friend', but a lot of people are allergic to cats...

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"At least you don’t need a wetsuit."

'Sure, they have nine lives, but they spend eight of them asleep.'

"Give it up—Frisbee is your game."

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

"Relax - it's just for a few days until they find a place of their own."

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

"You are sooooo 'grazed!'"

"Yes, it's embarrassing, but my master has a broken leg, so this is the only way I can go for a walk right now...

"BOL means Barking Out Loud."

"I could have been man's best friend but who needs the pressure."

"Speaking personally, I haven't had my day, and I've never met any dog who has."

'Vegetarian, vegetarian, vegetarian, vegetarian.'

'I tell you what: Mistress' lap was so much more comfortable before she started her diet...'

"We had him neutered,"

A rubber bone? Are you on some kind of fad diet?

'I know, I know. You're stripes. I get it, already.'

"If he's really your best friend, why did he have your tail cut off?"

"Is oversleeping a real thing?"

'Look at that crazy cowboy, Butch, he's talking to his horse!'

The cats of war

"You can't be too thin, too rich or too catty."

"It's nothing personal. Max just happens to be allergic to most brands of litter."

"The people upstairs are talking about us. We should bark them another opera."

'Do we have an exit strategy?'

Purr Pressure

"Wow, you're right. That is a serious flea infestation!"

'I always bark for no reason whatever.'

I don't suppose either of you would have a pair of shears?...

"I've used the "Call of the Wild" excuse to escape for a few days: my mother-in-law is visiting..."

'I drink to forget.' 'Forget what?' 'I don't remember.'

Please tell me these dumb dogs can't climb.