Classy Cat Chatter Pillows

"You can't be too thin, too rich or too catty."

Unemotional Support Animal

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

'Trust me, tomorrow's Young Master's birthday party: Time to find a hiding spot for the day...'

"Get out here Phil! The outside ideas are far better than the inside ones were!"

'...and notice how they like playing with string.'

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

"Okay, you play dead. 1-2-3 Go!"

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

Cat Romance

'You let me out. What I do when I'm out is my business.'

'I'm asking for a transfer to California because that's where you get the really good stuff.'

"I've been feeling needy and it's got me worried."

Their flirtation ground to a halt when she heard his dog-talking voice.

"I lick my fur and then rub against their legs. They think I'm being affectionate, but I'm actually just wiping cat spit on them."

A giant cat sleeps fitfully with four humans on the bed

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

"Fire department? Yes, this is a cat and, well, big surprise here, I'm stuck in a tree... But here's the odd part—I am staring at no less than five other cats, all stuck in this same tree. So weird, huh?"

'Sometimes I think they understand every word we're saying.'

"You are sooooo 'grazed!'"

'I heard Steve say: 'Either the cat goes or I do.''

The Cheshire cat has dentures. Pass it on.

"Hmm...these two look suitable servile..."

"Her boyfriend must really love us."

'I know it's your bed, but she's our guest. Sorry, sweetie, but you're going to have to sleep on the couch.'

"BOL means Barking Out Loud."

'And how old were you when your mother first called you a scaredy cat.'

'Ralph asked me to marry him, Pookie, but I told him I'd have to talk to you before I could give him an answer.'

"The vet wants me to go vegan so it's going to be catch and release for a while."

"Matsuzaka has an ERA of 3.88, yet Francona’s starting Schilling. Doesn’t that seem counterintuitive to you?"

That's right: Not only are we 'Man's best friend', but a lot of people are allergic to cats...