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60 Minutes? Thank God. I thought you were from the Securities and Exchange Commission.

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

"Oh, come on! Nobody brought a pen?"

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

Shaped Much Different: Vietnam and Afghanistan.

Kirsten Johnson

They're watching a documentary about safety razors. Sounds like a Schick flick!

Police film evidence

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

Cow being force fed hormones and producing milk.

Cinéma Vérité

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

Michael Moore creates a UK equivalent of Fahrenheit 9/11

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." It's okay for a first draft, Thomas, but it'll be much better if you make it rhyme!

A penguin's life is like endless summer camp, swimming and fishing all day every day!

"But what's my motivation?"

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"Ugh! Stop making a drama documentary out of a molehill."

Fahrenheit 911.

A fly on the wall documentary.

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

"Wow, I was in a documentary film with Ron and Valerie Taylor too! Aren't they great?!"

"Nothing like the History Channel to get you to appreciate these peaceful times we're enjoying."

'Hold it - someone's filming this without permission!'

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

A typical Monday. Zombie Truck-Driving Maniacs! South Pole Penguin Love! That's a stupid eco-friendly chick documentary! Insipid, mindless, violent zombie crud! Negotiations commence, nearly a week before date night. Wimp! Blockbuster head!

Finding Bigfoot

'I'm freezing...The rich list is a little thin this year.'

David Attenborough

Al, have you ever seen the movie "Harvey"? That rabbit was imaginary, but you must believe me: my wolverine is real!

'If whales are so intelligent, why do they swim near Japan?'

"He's the exception: a fly on the wall who made it big in blockbuster movies."

'If you're going to stare at that thing all day, at least watch something educational,,, like Japan,'