Doctor's Visit Veteran Gifts

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Barbeque Casualty.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

Dog wearing a cone

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Being Serenading in Casualty

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"Now I'm sure that, at this point, you're wondering HOW I can remove the anal sacs..."

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

Hospital.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"Janet, please. I'm calling the vet's office to check their lost and found. That's the last place I saw my nuts."

"So what brings you in today?"

'Doctor, I think he knows where he is.'

"I can't stop licking my boo-boo."

"She's in room 334 but she's only allowed to see people who haven't annoyed her for 15 years."

'What do you mean I've got fleas? I want a second opinion!'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

"Are they called 'x-rays' because the alphabet wasn't finished when they were invented?"

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'This is taking longer than my stay in hospital!'

"Tell her the surgeon is the best in his field and she'll get through this fine!"

The Children's Hospital

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

'While I'm here, Doctor . . .'