Doctor's Little Sidekick Pillows

"Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs anyway."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'All of our Little Doctor medical kits are on sale. Since the Healthcare bill passed, sales of the kits have been poor.'

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

'Let's play doctor - you be the patient, you be the surgeon, and I'll be the malpractice-attorney.'

'Maggots.' - playing doctor

Kid to sister: 'I never play doctor anymore. There's too much paperwork.'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'I usually don't make house calls but I'm glad to make an exception in your case, Gran'ma.'

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

'Could you wear a Dr. Phil mask?'

"So Dr. Gracie...how are your patients today?"

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'When you perform the surgery, please don't remove any of my untapped potential.'

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."

"It's cooties."

"Well, you can tell that David Silva that I said you definitely don't have cooties, Carolyn."

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

Tipp-kick for brain surgeons.

Dr Dinaram Cardiology: Hurt Feelings and Broken Hearts

"He's losing his will to pay!"

"First one to peek pays the other's malpractice premiums for the year."

'I could kiss it and make it better, but it's not covered by your insurance.'

'I'll level with you...You're sick as a dog.'

"Yes, hello. I'm hoping you've found a cure for my hiccups...but I'm not holding my breath!"

'I'm sorry, but the doctor can't see you right now.'

"I'm going to send you to someone who's not afraid of doing a little harm."

'Have you guys ever actually read the directions on a box of shake'n'bake?'

'He's running a high fever.'