Doctor's Bestie Pillows

'I could kiss it and make it better, but it's not covered by your insurance.'

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

"I have 15,000 patients...so my fantasy football team stinks."

'Could you wear a Dr. Phil mask?'

'Geoffrey's Tourette's is acting up.'

'When you perform the surgery, please don't remove any of my untapped potential.'

'I'm always like this, and my family was wondering if you could prescribe a mild depressant.'

"Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs anyway."

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

"Well, you can tell that David Silva that I said you definitely don't have cooties, Carolyn."

"You're at a teaching hospital. Hence, all the tests."

"It's cooties."

Tipp-kick for brain surgeons.

"He's losing his will to pay!"

I like having an older doctor. He understands my ailments and has most of em!

"Lucky we caught it early. It's easier to treat in the larva stage."

"Yes, hello. I'm hoping you've found a cure for my hiccups...but I'm not holding my breath!"

'I'm sorry, but the doctor can't see you right now.'

'Your wife is in the recovery room which, for your convenience, is located right next to the cashier's office...'

'I want to change to another doctor, because I've read all of the magazines in your waiting room.'

'The doctor will be a little late...why don't you discuss each others ailments until he gets here!'

"Why don't I just tell you the treatments I'm willing to do and we'll assume I have whatever disease that's good for!"

'It's a nasty little rash, nothing to worry about!'

"Well, if it's elective surgery, I vote no."

"I'd like to see you a little taller, and a little younger."

"Your leg's not supposed to do that when I tap it with this little hammer."

"The whole family had 'funny tummies' on holiday. I brought back the samples for you!"