Doctor's Favorite Patient Gifts

'Could you wear a Dr. Phil mask?'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."

'When you perform the surgery, please don't remove any of my untapped potential.'

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs anyway."

"Now I'm going to offer a second opinion."

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

"Unfortnuately, we won't know what's wrong with you until we do an autopsy."

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

"He's losing his will to pay!"

'I could kiss it and make it better, but it's not covered by your insurance.'

'It's hard to have confidence in a doctor whose office plants don't look very healthy.'

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

'I'm sorry, but the doctor can't see you right now.'

"I'm going to send you to someone who's not afraid of doing a little harm."

"You're in luck. My speciality is symptoms that are just crazy."

"Yesss, I've cured many cases of hypochondria with a hypodermic."

'I'd like to take some x-rays to determine if there is a problem or if you're just being a big baby.'

"Why don't I just tell you the treatments I'm willing to do and we'll assume I have whatever disease that's good for!"

'Doctor Bohan will see you now, Mrs. Stradley, but he really doesn't want to.'

'It's a nasty little rash, nothing to worry about!'

"Well, if it's elective surgery, I vote no."

Xmas Decorations in Hospital

"Your leg's not supposed to do that when I tap it with this little hammer."

'You're taking six prescription drugs but you aren't having any side-effects? I have no choice but to change your medications.'

'I look forward to looking up...er...looking you up.'