Diyer Extraordinaire Gifts

Dueling Glue Guns: Glue unto Others as you would have them glue unto you.

Domestic Goddess.

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"...And would sir care to kill the rabbit himself?"

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

Witch Hardware

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"I brought a pound cake in case they don't like the chum." Shark Hunting With Mom

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

'I've made a radio using coconuts, salt water, and a trout.'

'Have you noticed how portions are getting bigger?'

“Here’s to the 240 bucks we’re paying the sitter.”

"If I'd wanted a Picasso I'd have gone to an art gallery, wouldn't I?"

"This is a self-service diner. I cook the meals and I eat them myself."

"So does George still enjoy his woodworking?"

Zinzhoff wins Nobel Prize/Creates life in test tube/Or was it in there when he started?

"The latest news on the gardening fashion front is 'Ditch the decking'!"

"Well, don't look at me, you got him the chemistry set!"

"Now just open wide and relax. Uncle Fred has told me he has a way to fix your braces faster and cheaper than that overpriced orthodontist."

"Yes, you could have cooked it, but you didn't."

Wrong end of extension cord.

"You guys made your own yard figures for Christmas?"

Man and boy looking at a birdhouse they have just built. It has a vacancy sign outside it like a motel.

this place got five stars for its fresh food

When scientists start to look like their projects.

Ikeasaurus

Noah Cappe - Host of Carnival Eats

Chicken A La King

Master Chef

'Resveratrol? Flavonoids? Phenolic compounds? Whatever happened to asking about the grape type and origin?'