Diyer Extraordinaire Pillows

Dueling Glue Guns: Glue unto Others as you would have them glue unto you.

Domestic Goddess.

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"...And would sir care to kill the rabbit himself?"

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

Witch Hardware

"I brought a pound cake in case they don't like the chum." Shark Hunting With Mom

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

'I've made a radio using coconuts, salt water, and a trout.'

'Have you noticed how portions are getting bigger?'

"Yes, you could have cooked it, but you didn't."

"If I'd wanted a Picasso I'd have gone to an art gallery, wouldn't I?"

"This is a self-service diner. I cook the meals and I eat them myself."

"Well, don't look at me, you got him the chemistry set!"

"The latest news on the gardening fashion front is 'Ditch the decking'!"

"So does George still enjoy his woodworking?"

“Here’s to the 240 bucks we’re paying the sitter.”

Zinzhoff wins Nobel Prize/Creates life in test tube/Or was it in there when he started?

"Now just open wide and relax. Uncle Fred has told me he has a way to fix your braces faster and cheaper than that overpriced orthodontist."

Wrong end of extension cord.

Man and boy looking at a birdhouse they have just built. It has a vacancy sign outside it like a motel.

"You guys made your own yard figures for Christmas?"

Noah Cappe - Host of Carnival Eats

this place got five stars for its fresh food

Master Chef

Chicken A La King

When scientists start to look like their projects.

Ikeasaurus

'Resveratrol? Flavonoids? Phenolic compounds? Whatever happened to asking about the grape type and origin?'