Divorced Dad Gifts

A single man can be seen through the front window of the "ME Only Restaurant".

Marriage least expected to last...

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

Fathers are Heroes

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

'Access to the kids? No. I want access to the audio equipment.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

"At high noon I'm takin' her to the zoo. How's one-thirty?"

"We've done volcano and twister. We need another movie about a natural disaster and my first marriage came to mind."

"You can scatter my remains at my ex-wife's apartment."

"Can't you just say 'bippity boppity boo' and make all these messy divorce negotiations turn into pumpkins or something?"

'Your 'ex' seems to be doing well.'

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

'Don't hate me just because I hate you.'

Birthdays were always better at Mom's.

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

"That was generous."

'I tried to feeding on demand - it led to divorce on demand.'

Staying Single Explained.

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

"We've been admiring your fathering techniques."

"Shall we go talk with those au pairs?"

"Let's review cause and effect. Your divorce 10 years ago can't affect your son's zero today."

'No, it's not number four either, but he does look like my ex-husband. Yeah, let's go with number four.'

"Lover’s leap" "Wife toss"

"Nobody ever talks about how when you marry a human at 16, you might divorce by 30 and have to move back to the sea."