Divorced Dad Gifts

A single man can be seen through the front window of the "ME Only Restaurant".

Marriage least expected to last...

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

Fathers are Heroes

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'Access to the kids? No. I want access to the audio equipment.'

The Gayhorns

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

'Your 'ex' seems to be doing well.'

'Mr. Rock and Mrs. Hardplace are here, sir.'

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

"At high noon I'm takin' her to the zoo. How's one-thirty?"

"Can't you just say 'bippity boppity boo' and make all these messy divorce negotiations turn into pumpkins or something?"

"You can scatter my remains at my ex-wife's apartment."

'Don't hate me just because I hate you.'

"We've done volcano and twister. We need another movie about a natural disaster and my first marriage came to mind."

Birthdays were always better at Mom's.

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

"That was generous."

Staying Single Explained.

'I tried to feeding on demand - it led to divorce on demand.'

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

'No, it's not number four either, but he does look like my ex-husband. Yeah, let's go with number four.'

"Lover’s leap" "Wife toss"

"We've been admiring your fathering techniques."

"Let's review cause and effect. Your divorce 10 years ago can't affect your son's zero today."

"Nobody ever talks about how when you marry a human at 16, you might divorce by 30 and have to move back to the sea."