Divorce Case Conqueror Gifts

Rage.

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'

"I love fast break business success."

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

Editor.

'These new video games are getting out of hand...'

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

Minister Starts at a New Church

"...and how often do you feel monkas?"

"That's the Ommbudsman."

"Graduates, faculty, parents, creditors..."

"...and how do you feel about being labelled the new Great British hope?"

In the red

'Considering my student debt, I felt it prudent to specialize in bankruptcy law,'

"He's mad because smart trash bags that take themselves out don't exist yet."

'Maybe framed copies of your mortgage, auto loan, and tuition loans are too much of a motivator. Maybe you need a financial planner.'

"The quality of the writing is an embarrassment, it has no style, no fluency, no soul!"

"This Bounty is useless against the Quicker Messer Maker."

'You're meant to take off the old nicotine patches before putting on a new one!'

Computer Gamers.

'Diet Plan Rule number one: Stop using ice cream truck music as your ringtone.'

'Ugh. Every single day.'

'Going back to work now that the kids are grown is one thing, Martha. Mounting a hostile takeover bid of my company is another!'

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

The Conquest

"How do you respond to critics who say you only play the backcourt?"

"...And there has been a rapid decline in the number of complaints."

'When you created the world, Lord, did you know that Miss Rabone would be able to fit the whole thing into one geography test?'

'It's not my job to argue with you, sir. So, I'm turning you over to Mrs Yomp.'