Divinity Gifts

Tiny Visions

"God lives in the eternal present. The gift that keeps on giving."

'The bathroom? It's that cumulonimbus, the third cloud on the right.'

'It's not for myself, you understand."

God's Appointment Calendar

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'You can't come in here with that.'

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

'Your future looks charming.'

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

"Your mother says 'wear a bra'."

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

Crystal Ball Plug

'What did He do before he was God?'

Fortune teller sees impending doom

'We will conduct the background check. Our fortune, Madame Zula, will conduct a complimentary future check.'

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

Hog Futures

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

'I got one of those new crystal ball smart watches.'

'Of course, the future isn't what it used to be.'

'Fortunes, Impressions, Hunches, Wild Guesses'

"I've made contact with your mother. She says she hates what you're wearing."

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

Big Medium

'Reeta can tell your fortune from your bank statements.'

"You will dance on your enemy's grave."

'You will go 3 for 5 tomorrow.'

"I'll have to cance your appointment for next Friday. I'm going to be sick in bed with the flu."

"Why do you need to know if I've made a will?"

First Annual Psychic Convention