Divine Punchline Appreciator Gifts

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

Night-time halo

"OMG, LOL!"

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

Jesus sighted walking off Malibu

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

'Oh, sure -- but He won't let US have pets!'

Heaven

Shortly after being accepted into John's heart, Jesus lodged in aorta.

"The transformation is pretty bad, but the worst part is filling out the paperwork for the adverse events."

''Adam and Eve'? -- then You're going ahead with the dualism idea?'

'I invited God to be one of my friends on Facebook and he's turned me down!'

'Actually, we were hoping for a less high-maintenance God.'

Phill Jupitus

God changes His will.

"I was in purgatory only briefly and they've been sending me email newsletters ever since."

"It was a gift from god."

His first book was huge, but publishing is such a what-have-you-done-for-me-lately business.

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

"I'm taking it all with me. I created everything, and it's mine."

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

"Who did you think has been drawing you all this time?"

'You don't want to go to hell, J.B. In hell, the market is always down.'

Should I get these copyrighted, or is that covered by "Thou shalt not steal"? (Published previously on Dec. 10, 2002.)

'Stay back from the edge. Remember what happened to the last angel that fell.'

''Halliburton'? Wait a minute! -- I meant for the MEEK to inherit the Earth!'

"God lives in the eternal present. The gift that keeps on giving."

Today's presentation - God's Miracles.

'The diagnostic computer thinks it's a punishment from God.'

"The Good Lord is an excellent reference, but without a phone number..."

Moses parts the sea causing Jesus, who is walking on water, to fall

Smite Golfer or Cow?