Divine Mother T-Shirts

Virgin Mary: World's Best Mom.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Butterfly Woman

"Just be yourself."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Prize vegetables.

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

The Busy Gardener

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Gender Equality

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

I like the Jets...I guess

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'What would your mum say if she saw you drawing all over the wall like that?'

"His first out-of-body experience."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Madonna of the Pukes.

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

Self help acupuncture

"We've made great progress!"

The Zoo.

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

Demure lady with gloves