Divine Judgment Theorist Gifts

'The giant man-eating locusts are ready, my Lord.'

"Then it's agreed. Judgment Day, whenever it comes, will fall on a Thursday, so that they'll get the long weekend."

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

"So join me in prayer for those who are damned if they do and damned if they don't..."

'What did He do before he was God?'

Jesus wept

"From the looks of things, I shouldn't have rested on the seventh day."

'His version of sin is different from the press account.'

Descartes's Demon

Yahweh/Your Way

'Entropy already? You just made it.'

'The bad news is, 'Though shalt not kick thy dog' was dropped.'

'God is father to us all, but surely Jesus was his only biological child?'

'And God created man in his own image.'

"That's just so God."

"Connect me with famine and pestilence would you please Angela?"

'Welcome to the ultimate bottom line.'

'Intriguing theory, Dr. Kleinherz, but the fact that the Universe is expanding doesn't necessarily mean that God is a capitalist.'

In and Out.

'What kind of God would let things like this happen?'

Heavenly Suggestion Box

'I was afraid of this -- the evolution protocols are just confusing them.'

'Remember, smite first an ask questions later.'

'Hello, God? Tony here... Fine, thanks. SIr, it's that Hayes guy. He's cheating again. You want I should whack him?'

'What did I tell you? -- red tape!'

Bob finds God's wallet, and for one crazy moment, considers keeping it.

Reviewing Earth

'Any chance of a plea bargain?'

"No offense, but some of these could be construed as pretty extreme denial"

"Oh! Well, Enoch isn't the chosen one. Maybe it's you Moses?"

'Of course, God is a Republican! He runs the universe just like I run my business!'

"And this time--no ark!"