Divine Gag Appreciator Gifts

"Sorry. I'm molting."

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

Jesus sighted walking off Malibu

'Hey, mac, is this your idea of glasnost?'

Comedy School: 'Please knocky nicky nooo!'

Mediterranean Martini

Heaven

''Adam and Eve'? -- then You're going ahead with the dualism idea?'

Odds 'n Ends/Odd 'n's

"It can cut through anything ... well, almost anything. There still is governmental red tape."

"You know, Larry, you really don't have to carry that thing around to tell "knock-knock" jokes."

"It was a gift from god."

'Stay back from the edge. Remember what happened to the last angel that fell.'

His first book was huge, but publishing is such a what-have-you-done-for-me-lately business.

Today's presentation - God's Miracles.

"Being God just doesn't pay as much as you'd think it would."

'The diagnostic computer thinks it's a punishment from God.'

"It's from my Swiss account."

'I thought everybody would be equal here'

"Oh God, beards are so passe."

'Free! Bonus! X-Ray Glasses!'

Whatever you do, don't ask him about his children… God's wallet.

'Let's have some fun -- let's make them responsible for their own actions.'

"It's the deep end."

Wordplay: Gauntlet.

'Oh, dear! — your baptismal certificate was never notarized!'

'Oh gross, manure.'

God Gives His First Press Conference

"Oh my god! I'm not wearing clean underwear."

A woman dips her feet into a pond.

'Make it threescore and ten, or we'll end up with a big Social Security crisis.'

'What the...? How the heck did that get in there? Oh, well, I guess it will have to do.'

"Okay Eve, how many times do we have to go over this whole apple thing?"

'M' sign on mens toilet has swung upside down.