Divine Cache Gifts

'God wants us to go online.'

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

'Okay - who leaked?'

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

Gates of heaven

An amplified harp

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

'I miss the rarefied atmosphere of Mt. Olympus.'

Monks play conkers with crucifix

'Does it come on Disc?'

"Blasphemy, yes, but it was funny."

The Bible, signed copy.

"No, not there! It'll block out all our light!"

Good Samaritan responding to hurt man: 'I'm part of God's TLC plan.'

"Who'd have thought it? It turns out you can take it with you when you die."

"The only problem with Heaven is there's nowhere to hang stuff."

'I downloaded them from heaven.'

'What you did was not only 'wrong' - it was 'wrongedy-wrong-wrong!''

"Things to do Today: Create the heaven and the earth."

'No offense, but some of these sound a little PREACHY.'

"Our records indicate you should be in hell. But since you’ve been married for forty years we’ll count that as time served."

"I guess they really are permanent."

Today's lesson: the plague of darkness

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

These tablets are heavy. Didn't you create the internet on the fifth night? Couldn't you just post these commandments on your blog?

"Every time I offer them an upgrade, they click on 'not now'."

'Sudden death?'

'Hang on, we might finally be getting his feedback on our new product proposal.'

The Miracle of Catching the Fishes (The Holy Bible).

"Like, hello? nothing's wrong with the software. You hit delete. If you want to answer prayers, hit send."

God chalks up his pool cue.

"And my board approved this?"