Distraction Detective Gifts

"It's been over two weeks, and I'm starting to get concerned. Normally, when the committee jumps down a rabbit hole, they're back in a few hours."

"For a laser technician, you're not very focused."

'I wonder when he's going to realize he's not on a bus.'

Gregor metamorphosed into a giant cockroach and he hasn't even noticed yet.

'Jeez, Rex, leave it alone. How do you ever get anything done?'

'No, you didn't disturb me. I'm just writing the definitive history of distractions.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Pizza time.

"When you hear me begin talking about our lousy sales figures, you guys create a distraction."

Chaos Theory Lecture - Upstairs and ask again.

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

'He's a cheat I tell you - it's just a trick!'

"It's a setup."

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

"No sense of smell, ears plugged and eyes fixed on their phones. I'm telling you, if I weren't domesticated I'd be all over that."

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

Artist is drawing a mug instead of the models.

"See...polystyrene!"

'...and then you smile and say...all together now...'that's not deductible.'.'

"When the IRS sees your deductions they'll get a good laugh!"

After income tax, pension and national insurance I end up owing £450.

Man sells IRS insurance outside IRS building.

"They're not home.."

'Aaaaaaaaawwwwww!'

"He's not a big, bad wolf, Gramps - he's a predatory insurance agent!"

"This isn't really helping."

"I believe this will be an adequate busy look."

'I'm sorry I didn't practice this week, Mrs. Tinklemeyer. I just had so many distractions!

'Dad put that sign there to keep tabs on my driving!'

'It's a simple change. Instead of software, you should be writing off your employees as hardware.'

"I drive to work every day. Those are business trips, aren't they?"