Distracted Parent Gifts

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

How to correctly estimate cooking time

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

Writers' Compensation

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

"You ever get the feeling the posse's starting to lose focus?"

'Do you have anything for absent-mindedness?'

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

Sudoku. Oh, no!

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'

"You want my undivided attention? I don't think it exists."

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

"Baldo, have you finished your homework?"

'For God's sake, Tom, just let her cry - I can't stand your singing any longer.'

"Tonight's our night. Try not to think about the fed."

Push me! Mom! Well? I'm waiting! The Little Engine Whose Parents Did Everything For Him.

I used to run every day. But lately its just been a rack for my clothes.

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

"Judging by all the dishes, you have forgotten where the kitchen is. So, I programmed this GPS for you."

'I appreciate your wanting me to do a stress test but what do you think I'm going through right now?'

Parent-Teacher Conferences: 'The bad news is your son failed every test I gave this term. The good news is that we know he's not abusing any mind-expanding drugs.'

'I think he wants you to be quiet!'

'Make sure you stay in the shallow end.'

The teacher was in favour of comic relief... but, not in class time!'

The Anxious School Drop Off

"Mom, is this lunch supplying me with the recommended daily allowance of microplastics?"

"We hate being stuck indoors because of seasonal allergies, so it's a relief when we can blame it on a dangerous fugitive."

'Our eggs should stay nice and warm in the hot sand: Let's go for a swim...'

Uncertain Future

I have two teenagers that text!