Distance Defender T-Shirts

". . . And it's Lucky Ji keeping at least two metres away from Nelly's Boy who is responsibly distancing two metres behind Desert Orea who is. . ."

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

Zoom Wedding

Wall Street lights the American Dream on fire while citizens try to burn Wall Street.

Science Snobs

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

Goal

'How long did you try before calling?'

"I'm afraid your M.B.A. loses some of its lustre in light of the fact that you were home-schooled."

Death By Mattress

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

"This is an open-space office. How can they accuse us of insider trading?"

'I looked into their eyes before I shot them, with my high-powered rifle, from half a mile away.'

Man with fly swat - Let the games begin.

"My husband has a thing about double glazing salesmen."

"It's road kill."

Door to door salesman sees sign: 'We have everything.'

Pest Control

Boxer Scarecrow Fends of the Crows.

'This has been taking up all of my time.'

"I'm afraid a qualification from 'the university of life' doesn't get you very far in the software industry these days."

"By the way, how's that lawsuit against the home insurance company going?"

'Maybe you should ease up on the burglar.'

Unacceptable Social Behaviour

'To stress heterosexual, we now get a merit badge for getting laid!'

A man is crushed by his sculpture of a hand.

"Stay away from the piranha tank."

The Why-Can't-This-Event-Be-In-Miles-Like-Other-Sports-In-This-Country 10K