Disney Princess Aficionado Pillows

"I want to be whichever Disney princess is the most bad-assed."

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

Where are they now?: Office of Management & Budget - Grumpy.

"Walt Disney on ice."

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

7 Dwarves of Retirement

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

Hansel and Gretal

"You wake up after 100 years and the first thing you do is check your phone?"

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

Los Angeles, 1928: Mickey Mouse Emerges from the Primordial Ooze.

Trueman Dewayne Lafayette: collector of the imaginary,

Cinderella insisted on always having glass slippers - even into old age...

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

'...and then the DOW rallied six hundred points and the three bears felt like idiots...'

"That's enough small talk."

'Not only didn't he turn into a prince, but he gave me these awful warts!'

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

'Mom, instead of getting food at the market, I traded the cow for these magic mushrooms!'

'He's been doing this ever since he saw the Lion King!'

Beauty and the Beast

Giant Sale!

"No, they didn't live happily ever after, but they fared pretty well relative to every other miserable slop in the Dark Ages."

"I'm your Furry Godmother."

"But honey. . . he's just not our kind!"

Little Red Riding Hood in Dallas

"No guarantees, right?"

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

Frog Prince holds sign: 'Will work for kisses'.