Disney Princess Aficionado T-Shirts

"I want to be whichever Disney princess is the most bad-assed."

Where are they now?: Office of Management & Budget - Grumpy.

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

"Walt Disney on ice."

'Yeah, I agree: It's hard to impress females by looking virile and strong when you're all pink...'

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

"You wake up after 100 years and the first thing you do is check your phone?"

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

The Gingerbread Man Hits 50.

Hansel and Gretal

Cinderella insisted on always having glass slippers - even into old age...

Los Angeles, 1928: Mickey Mouse Emerges from the Primordial Ooze.

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

Trueman Dewayne Lafayette: collector of the imaginary,

"Am I looking happy or sad in the appropriate places?"

'...and then the DOW rallied six hundred points and the three bears felt like idiots...'

"That's enough small talk."

'Not only didn't he turn into a prince, but he gave me these awful warts!'

Beauty and the Beast

"But honey. . . he's just not our kind!"

"No, they didn't live happily ever after, but they fared pretty well relative to every other miserable slop in the Dark Ages."

Little Red Riding Hood in Dallas

'Mom, instead of getting food at the market, I traded the cow for these magic mushrooms!'

"I'm your Furry Godmother."

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

Giant Sale!

"No guarantees, right?"

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

Frog Prince holds sign: 'Will work for kisses'.

'Sleeping Beauty: before and after,