Dismal Deliberator Gifts

'If you knew that economics was the 'dismal science,' why did you become an economist?'

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

'If you start granting amnesty for people for following their conscience, pretty soon everyone will be following his conscience.'

Science Snobs

"That's all we can do about the federal loan at this time. Next business."

'I propose a cooling off period of 100 years?'

"Italy's national debt runs into trillions. How do you repossess a country?"

Pandora's box.

Standard & Poors, you dirty dog! Don't pick at our AAA rating!'

"And today if the prosecutor says 'Liar, liar, pants on fire,' do not turn around to check."

'There's been a change in my recurring nightmare. I'm no longer falling . . . my credit rating is.'

Supreme Court Crunch

Holding the moral high ground

Research indicates seven deadly sins are treatable with drugs,

"Oh, no! Hugo's tried snorting Pimms"

"All in favor of a cap on our liability?"

'I know the difference between right and wrong, but it hasn't held me back.'

Attorney General John Ashcroft

Biolab. No, this is a good thing. Antibodies are not bullies going out and looking to pick a fight.

'He became a dissident Dissident in protest at the Dissidents.'

Robert Frost. "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood..." And that was before they had GPS's!

"What would you like done with your DNA?"

How to Game the Popularity Voter Whores

You! Are thick magazine.

'Don't worry about doing the right thing. There'll be plenty of time for that when you're fired, retired, or reincarnated.'

Denial as a form of corporate negotiation.

'My cash flow? It flows right out of my hands to my creditors.'

"Theologian? You guys are always fun."

'My idea's quite simple really. Put the money in the bag!'

Brain vs heart

"Which is better: made in USA by illegal immigrants or made overseas by cheap labor?"

Papa Ratzi

"That's just so God."