Dishwater Detective T-Shirts

'This tastes like dishwater.'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

He can identify a fly taken by a trout at fifty yards range.

Evolution.

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"Don't tell him anything."

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

Unsafe Drain Covers!

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

'Not only did they install an elevator to help you get over the dam, they also hired an elevator operator.'

Journey of a sandwich through the digestive system.

'Mine was stone cold.'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'Honey, you can't keep running to Daddy every time you find a little bug or something in your pool!'

How is your soup, sir? Speaking for myself, it looks pretty good. I can't speak for the fly, of course.

"Time! Ladies and gentlemen please, for yet another probe into the brewing industry"

Plane with banner shoots at another.

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

'The Search ended today when the authorities traced the runaway pair. . .'