Digestion Detective T-Shirts

'Chief say he eat to many beans.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Secretive Weigh In.

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

Critisize your weight.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

'Diet considerations.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."