Dishwasher Pillows

'And best of all, he really enjoys it.'

'We're extending an offer of employment to you contingent upon the results of a drug test, psychological consultation...'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

All those years at university and here I am washin up dishes...me, with degrees in tree hugging and free expression cartwheeling!

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

'... and I got this one for being a dishwasher.'

'Our compliments to the dishwasher.'

Wanted: dishwasher or handsome rich guy.

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"We don't need waiters since we computerized our ordering process. However, I could use an extra dishwasher."

Where your mind & battle are los

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

2021

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"We've made great progress!"

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

vaccine wars.

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Waiting for the vaccine launch."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'