Dishware Detective Pillows

'The Search ended today when the authorities traced the runaway pair. . .'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

Try to guess the continent dining...

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Honest Vending

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"Number 2. Step forward please."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

"Okay, lets see what we have here."

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"Don't tell him anything."