Disapproving Parent Appreciator Pillows

'I don't think your dad likes me, Angie.'

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

Judge, jury and executioner.

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

"Someday when you have a kid of your own and you feel the urge to arbitrarily say no just because you can, you'll understand."

"...My daughter, the model..."

"This is to apologise for the delay in internal mail that you wrote to us about in 1997"

Very sorry

"I'm sorry I called you boring."

'I can't talk now Kevin. I'm under house arrest.'

"Stickers, fairy tattoos, a coloring book ... but no, Mom, I'm not seeing any stretch-mark cream in the goody bag."

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

"This is humiliating. Couldn't you drop me a block from school?"

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

'Yes,I did order an extra barrel,but for my shotgun.'

'It seems like only yesterday that Sharon was knee high!'

"Parental advisory explicit content"

"He made me promise I'd never mistreat you. Then he made me sit and listen to three house of dad rock."

'Get a job!? Dude, your daughter and I are working fulltime trying to get you a grandchild!'

"I'm not surprised that it's a bad school report. Statistics indicate that children get their intelligence from their fathers!"

'Ms. Evertz, has my mother been snooping around my office again?'

"For the hundredth time, I'm sorry. It was dark, I was working fast..."

"Just dropped by to do my groceries."

Parental Valentines Day Cards

'It's a little read book... the sayings of charwoman mum.'

"I know this sounds corny, Bob, but for me, the true measure of success is when I can look at the man in the mirror each day and still find a way to blame my parents for everything wrong in my life!"

'Come on Timmy, you must eat your greens.'

"At least you're not afraid to fail."

"You don't need those glasses. Life is already in 3-D."

"Dad won't let me play video games because they promote violence...so he's letting me play with his assault rifle collection!"

'Quick! Kids! There's a positive male role model on the television...'

National Apathy Society: Come In Or Whatever