Diplomatic Dove Gifts

The EU should have a say in the Peace Process

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

Arms race - USA and Russia.

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

"With the whole world in NATO, we won't have to take any more crap from Mars."

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

Landing That Tough Account

Vladimir Putin as Uncle Sam

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

"I'm just saying, studies show that owning a human can improve the quality of your life."

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."

War and Peace

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

"It was humiliating! First, he told me to beg and then he wanted me to roll over and pretend I was dead...so, I bit him!"

Advantages of Growing Older

Negotiations

Good duck, bad duck.

Bipartisan.

Cat thrusts note through mousehole that reads 'Can't we talk about this?'

Cat pleads into mouse hole: 'Can't we talk about this?'

'Okay, how do we do this?'

"There, are you happy?"

"Our marriage is like the Middle East conflict combined with North and South Korea."