Diploma Decoder Pillows

Before graduating, students at Flegburn High were required to read their diplomas out loud.

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

A boy is sat at a desk, with five plaques implying different qualifications he has earned from using social media.

Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000... Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000...

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

"I see here that you are a recent graduate."

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

DIY horror.

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

"The labor market is awaiting you!"

'It's not encrypted, Captain. That's just the clerk's usual typing.'

Fake News - Tabloid News - State-run News - Free Press

'People who can read Venn diagrams...'

Information vs. confusion

"Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember the college's financial plight. Congratulations. Please remember . . ."

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

"I hope this makes it clearer!"

Graduate of 2021

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

"The best part is, for me history is now history!"

"Isn't that cute? He's reading his diplomas again."

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

'I've gone from spanning the globe at lightening speed to struggling with some techie's accent over a bad connection.'

"Here it is -- my E-school diploma coming off the printer!"

Principal: 'Is THERE a DOCTORATE in the House?!'

'You needn't worry about confidentiality. Your medical records were carefully transferred to computer and accidently trashed.'

After years of study & hard effort, you're ready to begin your life's work. . . paying off your student loan."

'I didn't know 'Businessish Management' was something you could get a degree in.'

"It is my wish that this be the most educated country in the world, and toward that end I hereby ordain that each and everyone of my people be given a diploma."

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

"It says to sign, and then print my name... can I use the school printer?"

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

Burgers Fries Shakes. Order Here. I think my college degree must be worth a lot --- It's hardly been used at all!